The Lenten season is a season of dying in preparation for
death. Death is always the precursor to resurrection life and so we choose the
cold embrace of the dying that Lent leads us towards. We find that we need help
to die. And so the Holy Spirit comes and searches our hearts, seeking out
intents and desires. What a precious friend! We lay ourselves open and bare
before Him, exposed to Him who loves us, and ask that He do what is needed.
Jesus says to me, "Do not murder." How quickly I
agree with my friend, "I have observed this since my youth."
And in the pause that follows, I sink into the love in His
eyes and begin to see as He sees and feel the wounds that He feels.
Wounds that I have inflicted upon another, the least of these,
landing on Him. My sideways glance and raised eyebrows silently signaling my
contempt, my anger. If looks that could kill . . .
My secret labeling and marginalizing of people I don't deem
worthy of my time - or God's.
My deep disgust, masked by a cold, smiling face offered to
one whose sin marks him detestable, if not unforgivable. At least to my way of
thinking.
My seething,
simmering rage, bubbling just below the surface like some stinking mud hole,
splattering pain on anyone who happens by at the wrong time.
My cold, deadly, tightly controlled, carefully harnessed
fury, brought out of hiding when I feel threatened, or slighted, or hurt, or
weak, or . . .
"Spirit of the Living God, fall fresh upon me. Search
my heart for all of the secret ways and hidden sins which I can barely
acknowledge even when I see them in the mirror. Give me the courage to lift
them up. Release the poisons by your sweet, healing, soothing, Presence."
Challenging words for deeper thinking on God's heart behind the comandment to not murder, and Jesus' comments on the murders of the heart. Yet I struggle with a balance of justice and our role in being Christlike in desiring such justice. Because of my own story I believe in hell and surrender my own angers to God's timing in justice, yet I know the "seethings and simmerings" of my own rage as mentioned above. Very challenging words indeed. Thank you for your dedication to sitting before God's word with intentionallity, prayer, and application.
ReplyDeleteI should add that I have always believed in heaven and hell, but have never struggled with the whole arguement of "How can a loving God send people to hell?". Experiences in my life have taught me the just and loving nature of God through the judgement of hell on those who chose a life of destruction on themselves and others.
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