Thursday, March 12, 2015

Sloth

O Lord God Almighty, who lives at once completely still and completely involved, help me in my default to laziness justified as rest.
Forgive me the slack eyed non-response to something that should stir me to action, but barely elicits a yawn before the remote control switches to something more entertaining and less demanding. Forgive me for the passive acceptance without thought of somebody else's ideas and for the systematic way I avoid having to think deeply about anything. Forgive me the complacency with which I refuse to take responsibility, preferring instead to complain and talk about what someone else ought to do. Forgive me for letting love die when it demands action in order to live. Forgive me for not caring enough to mourn its death. Forgive me the dainty, shallow mediocrity of my following of Jesus, content to float along on the stream of some one else's spiritual passion - or not.

O God, help me be a participant in my own life, and not just a passive observer - a watcher of the passing scene. Help me to choose rest and learn to do nothing well as an act of faith and trust, rather than to default to the doing of nothing because nothing is worth the effort. Help me fall so deeply and passionately in love with You that I would do anything for the love of You. Help me to care about those things that you care about and to care as deeply as do You. O Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Envy

Heading towards the third Sunday in Lent - Holy Spirit accompanied stopping to consider the ways of self-sabotage. This week... envy.


Envy is the Black Hole of the temptations because while most of the other temptations are twists on virtues, envy is completely against all virtues and will not be satisfied until I have everything and no one else has anything. It leads to death by dissatisfaction.
I find myself so often captivated by what someone else has, or the position someone else occupies, or the skills and gifts You have given to someone else that I fail to celebrate what I have, or the place and the skills and gifts You have given me. And worse, I resent who they are and wish for what they had that made them who they are. And worse, I sometimes descend so far into the deep pit of anger that they have it and I don’t, that the acid at the bottom of that pit soaks into my soul with a desire that they not have what they have – that they lose the wonder of who they are. I rejoice, secretly of course, at their stumbles – covering up with pious words for public consumption.

O Lord, forgive me the painful comparisons, which I shall never win. Help me celebrate all you have given me. Forgive me the shameful malice with which I glare, evil eyed, at those who have what I think I want. Help me rejoice in their good fortune, coming to the truth that grace is of such a kind that its being poured out on others does not shrink its capacity for me. Forgive me the dejection I experience when passed over in favor of an another. Help me learn to truly rejoice at their good fortune, and congratulate without hypocrisy. Forgive me the resentment that bubbles up as I watch You bless others with things I wish You had blessed me with. Help me trust you fully to provide all that I need for the work and life You have given me. O Lord, Jesus Christ, You are the Son of God, and I am a sinner. Have mercy on me.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Anger

Continuing, this lenten journey, to reflect on the ways of self-sabotage using the grid of Gregory the Great - the so-called Seven Deadly Sins. This week... Anger.

Dear God, before Whose anger the universe quakes in awe, but Who is yet slow . . . slow . . . slow to such anger, I come. I come with my toxic, simmering, explosive angers that don't work Your righteousness - but my destruction. I cry for mercy.
Forgive me the long-held grudge, hidden behind the icy smile and plastic words. Forgive me the defining resentments, long since separated from offense, that keep me warm with the slow-burning fire of simmering rage - a smoldering soul. Forgive me the way I hold on to those unintended, untargeted, unconscious woundings received - keeping them covered, not allowing the light and fresh air in to heal them, choosing rather to let them fester in unforgiveness. Forgive me the explosions born out of frustration and fear, triggered by small irritations, mostly imagined, that ought simply to be ignored, but made worse by weariness or a sense of "enough is enough!"

O Lord Jesus, please teach me out of Your own chosen anger. Show me the deep sources of my rage. Help me recognize and fully accept my anger in enough time to know what to do with it. Instruct me in the structures of release, so that I may let go without allowing any lodging of those things for which anger is not a helpful or necessary reaction. And for those things which call for action moved by anger, help me to speak appropriate, helpful, non-destructive words, carefully chosen to address issues and causes. When anger is no longer needed, let me release it quickly and without residue. O Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Lenten Prayers - Pride

In this prayer guide, I would like to reflect on what it means for me to be a sinner who sins - and would invite you to share the journey of examination and confession. We need to take sin seriously. The purpose of confession is not to wallow in our sinfulness, but to bring it fully and finally to Jesus, receive His forgiveness, and learn to walk in the new life He gives.
Pride
Oh God, maker of Heaven and earth, maker of me - I see so often in my own heart the leaning towards the same prideful arrogance that drove me in the garden to partake of fruit forbidden. How crazy it is to think, even for a moment, that I know better than You about anything. Even anything concerning me. Lord, you know me. You know that I am but dust. You also know that it is hard for me to know me that well. I tend to think more highly of myself than I ought to think - to exaggerate my claims to success and ignore my failures - to justify my arrogance and excuse my willfulness.
Forgive me the mis-impressions I leave uncorrected because they are flattering, even if false. Forgive me for the way I manipulate conversations to wring compliments out of silence. Forgive me for the comparisons with others by which I measure my relative worth - rather than leaving all of that in your able hands. Forgive me for the reluctance to celebrate others for fear it will diminish me. Forgive me for not thinking as highly of You as I ought to think.

Please help me to think of myself as accurately as possible only in relation to You. And, along the way, help me become un-selfconscious. Please grant me opportunities this day to deal death to prideful self, that Your new life may have rightful and full place in and above all in me. Oh God - have mercy on me - a sinner.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Old People at Christmas

There is something quite wonderful about experiencing Christmas through the eyes of a child. But Luke thought it important that we, likewise, experience Christmas through the eyes of old people, too. And so he tells the story of two old people ­– battered, refined, shaped by years of disappointment – who kept showing up and growing up, until one day all they had been promised took the form of an eight day old baby boy.

Simeon was waiting. You don’t get old and useful without, at the same time, getting good at waiting. God had given him a promise – and then, he had to live with it. The nature of faith is the nature of knowing more than you can see. Simeon, trained by years of doing the right thing, shaped by decades of devotion, enlivened by the Holy Spirit, was someone God thought trustworthy enough to carry the promise. I imagine that there were some difficult days when devotion was all that kept him going. But, when Mary and Joseph did bring Jesus to Temple, Simeon was on task – trained to faithfulness through disappointment.  How else could it have been?

He wasn’t just waiting around – he was waiting with expectancy, with an undefined openness to what God might be up to, leaving the timing of things in God’s hands. Each day closer to death was a day closer to promise kept – so Simeon kept living every day, showing up in his own life, not letting disappointment sideline him in bitterness. So, when the time came – he was ready. Old people keep hope alive through difficult days – reminding of the character of the Promiser, living in the reality of the not yet.

But old people are nothing if not realists – especially when the lights of Christmas can overwhelm with fantasy. He made it clear to Mary that this boy was going to break her heart. That many in Israel, rather than welcoming Him, would reject Him. There is bad news in the good news – old people tell it like it is. Maybe she could hear it from Simeon because in his eyes she saw something of the pain that waiting had shaped in him.

Just then, Anna hobbles onto the scene – and immediately starts laughing and dancing like the little girl faith had shaped in her heart. A conservative calculation puts her waiting at right around sixty years. Sixty!! Sixty years formed by worship, fasting, and prayer enabled her usefulness in her eighty-fourth year! If we could have asked her, I think she might have said that she had nothing better to do. Really. Then the school girl’s worship gives way to the grandma’s authoritative witness to anyone who would listen – “this is the One!!”

Anna and Simeon didn’t get old and useful overnight. They didn’t get old and useful by accident. They didn’t get old and useful by simply passing the years. They grew into people whom God could trust with His great story by showing up every day in their own lives, by being devoted in worship, prayer, fasting, generosity of heart – by being filled with the Holy Spirit. Perhaps that is the gift of old people at Christmas.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Enough


Seeing the deep bleak darkness
     of our chosen night
     destructive power driven
          by fear
     each terrified thrashing
          tightening the shackles
          of despair

     and so
          almost from the beginning

Until now
     we are
          hopelessly
               helplessly
     tangled in self-destruction
    
     fallen short
          of the glory
               of the wonder
                    of us.

     Judgment
          would be relief.

Whatever would be
     enough to cut the
     cords which
     bind us?
         

Whatever would be
     enough to drive out
     the fear which
     drives us?

Whatever would be…
     enough

 “In the fullness of time
     God sent forth His
     son
          born…”

Still…
     is love born
     enough?

What might God know
     about love
     that I have
     yet to learn?

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Joseph

His story can easily get missed in the wonder of angel’s song and silent nights, but it is a story worth telling. He shows up, almost exclusively, in parts of the first two chapters of Matthew – who characteristically suggests more than he states. The first hint of the unusual comes when, at the end of the genealogy leading to Jesus, Matthew breaks form and lists Joseph as, “the husband of Mary.” In the patriarchal culture of first century Palestine, it is worth noting. He will forever be identified as connected to Mary – a connection which, as the story proceeds, he appears comfortable with. He has nothing to prove. Perhaps God can only trust those with nothing to prove.

He is, we are told, a righteous man – a man marked over time by right actions. He can be counted on to do the right thing without thinking about it. So it is not surprising when he hears that his promised bride is expecting a baby by the Holy Spirit, that he seeks to remove himself from a situation for which he feels less than qualified – and to do so in a way that would not shame Mary. It is possible that he is setting her aside because he didn’t believe her story – but it seems at least as likely that he is setting himself aside because he did. It is the angel who clarifies our understanding of Joseph’s heart – he is afraid. Not angry. Not disappointed. Not heartbroken. Afraid.

That fear – that awe – is the appropriate foundation for the first explicit reference in the New Testament to what is really going on in the birth of Jesus – so named because Joseph named him with the revelatory understanding that He, Jesus, would save his people from their sins! From their sins!  This was not on anyone’s radar screen. They were looking for a deliverer – a savior – but from Roman oppression! Joseph’s awe-filled righteousness enabled him to be the first man God trusted with the news of a salvation going deeper than political deliverance.

In what becomes a statement characteristic of Joseph, he “did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him.” Three times this is said of him. This obedience both arises from and helps frame his righteousness. His obedience leads him to set aside whatever agenda or plan he might have had for his life – everything else took a distant second to the care for his wife and the baby. He, a nobody from the backwoods of northern Israel, ended up in Egypt – because he was obedient – and returned for the same reason.

What kind of man is it whom God can trust?  A righteous man. A man who lives in awe of God. A self-controlled man. An obedient man. A selfless man. A courageous man. A faith-full man. A man like Joseph.

Perhaps it was from watching Joseph in his loving care for Mary that Jesus learned how to treat His Bride.