Envy is the
Black Hole of the temptations because while most of the other temptations are
twists on virtues, envy is completely against all virtues and will not be
satisfied until I have everything and no one else has anything. It leads to
death by dissatisfaction.
I find myself so often captivated
by what someone else has, or the position someone else occupies, or the skills
and gifts You have given to someone else that I fail to celebrate what I have,
or the place and the skills and gifts You have given me. And worse, I resent
who they are and wish for what they had that made them who they are. And worse,
I sometimes descend so far into the deep pit of anger that they have it and I
don’t, that the acid at the bottom of that pit soaks into my soul with a desire
that they not have what they have – that they lose the wonder of who they are.
I rejoice, secretly of course, at their stumbles – covering up with pious words
for public consumption.
O Lord, forgive me the painful
comparisons, which I shall never win. Help me celebrate all you have given me.
Forgive me the shameful malice with which I glare, evil eyed, at those who have
what I think I want. Help me rejoice in their good fortune, coming to the truth
that grace is of such a kind that its being poured out on others does not
shrink its capacity for me. Forgive me the dejection I experience when passed
over in favor of an another. Help me learn to truly rejoice at their good
fortune, and congratulate without hypocrisy. Forgive me the resentment that
bubbles up as I watch You bless others with things I wish You had blessed me
with. Help me trust you fully to provide all that I need for the work and life
You have given me. O Lord, Jesus Christ, You are the Son of God, and I am a
sinner. Have mercy on me.
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