Abiding

I was told once

     long ago

that the deep fear

     was of being

     weightless

          insignificant

          of no consequence

          leaving no mark

     like a hand

          withdrawn from

          a bowl of water

          in seconds

               no sign of

               being.

And I believe it to be true.

So much of my life

     has been taken up

     with trying to do

     things that make a

          difference

     That is the way

          to significance

          to impact

          to imprint.

But most of my doing

     bears the marks of

          my fear.

     How could it be other

     when that is its source?

     But appearance

     is not reality.

     So fear is

          realized.

Apparently, Jesus was right.

     Apart from Him…

          nothing.

I don’t choose fruitlessness.

     But that is what I get

     when I choose to do,

     out of fear of

          fruitlessness.

I can’t choose fruitfulness.

     But I can choose what

          leads to it.

Abiding.